What I’m Seeking

It’s been a few months since I’ve been here, so I’m recommitting. But in those months, I haven’t been idle. I’ve read a handful of books, taken a handful of trips, become inspired and motivated, lost it all and got it back again and learned a lot in the process. I feel ready to start sharing again.

This morning, I heard something while listening to one of Liz Gilbert’s Magic Lessons that hit me in my core. I’m not sure what it was about it because on paper, it’s not particularly mind blowing. But often we don’t really hear a message until we’re ready. In the episode, Gilbert reminded her guest:

The thing that you are seeking is also seeking you.

It gave me chills. It gave me a rush of relief inside, but it also gave me a bit of disappointment in myself.

Over the last year, I’ve been doing a lot of seeking – exploring fascinations around reading, curating, drawing, writing, learning and teaching. (The things I bought this domain for.) But have I allowed those things in to seek me too?

I can name a handful of times where I haven’t. A handful of times where I’ve turned down opportunities to learn over other things like fear, ego, attachment and an idea that I have control in situations where I really don’t. I’ve been letting all of the wrong things seek me out by not letting the right things in. And if you’re familiar with fear, ego, attachment and control then you know how destructive they can be.

Admitting that has been difficult, and it’s taken me months to hear what I needed to in order to lead up to this realization.

So I’m recommitting to all my fascinations. Recommitting with a priority of learning over everything else. And hopefully, soon, I’ll have something to bigger to show for it. For now, I’ll show little by little through here with what I’m working on, reading and thinking about  – the usual. Eventually, everything will connect.

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